You Love These 80's Canadian Animal Sweaters So Much You Want to Kiss Them

Categories: Studies in Crap

studies in crap canadian sweaters cover.jpg
Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.

Patrons on Safari sweater pattern magazine

Date: 1988
Publisher: Patons
Discovered at: Salvation Army, Nanaimo, BC

The Cover Promises: Here is what happens when an everyday sort of Canadian kid gets bitten by a radioactive Mario Lopez.


Your Crap Archivist was recently fortunate enough to visit Canada, America's largest and cleanest national park. Our northern neighbor is a deceptively reasonable country, one populated by cheery, healthy people enjoying socialized medicine and proximity to bears and still having a queen for some reason. (As my wife pointed out, the Canadian nickel boasts the queen on one side and a fat ol' beaver on the other, a combination that could work down here in San Francisco, too.)

But the astute traveler will recognize that Canada remains a prodigious generator of bewildering crap: Just turn on the radio, where a high-minded government mandate dictating stations must play 40 per cent Canadian music means twice an hour you have to suffer through the beardy stink-pop of the Barenaked Ladies. Or visit any Canadian thrift store, where between copies of Cold Sassy Tree you will almost certainly find this book, originally archived in one of the first-ever Studies in Crap:


More »

Here's Recipes Rush Limbaugh Donated to a K.C. Royals Cookbook in 1980

Categories: Studies in Crap

studies_in_crap_royals_cookbook_patterson.jpg
Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.

Kansas City Royals' Recipes World Series-Style

Author: Lou Ann Carmean
Date: 1980
The Cover Promises: That you and your family should put into your bodies delicacies chosen by the cocaining-est team in baseball history.

Representative Quote:

"Today the Royals rank right at the top in every baseball category ... Recipes have been tried, tested, tasted, and even tossed, so that you, our faithful fans, can enjoy only the finest food along with the finest baseball available."

More »

1976's Bicentennial Needlepoint Invites You to Craft a Dot-Matrix America

Categories: Studies in Crap

studies_in_crap_bicentennial_needlepoint_cover.jpg
Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from Golden State thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.

Full-Color Bicentennial Needlepoint Designs

Author: Carol Belanger Grafton
Date: 1976
Publisher:
Discovered at: Thrift Town in the Mission

The Cover Promises: That George Washington heartened his troops by donning enormous waxed lips.


More »

Hot Dating Advice From 1939: Visit a Factory to Keep "Adolescent Love-Making to a Minimum"

Categories: Studies in Crap

studies_in_crap_what_to_do_on_a_date_cover.jpg
Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.

What to Do on a Date

Author: Daniel A. Lord, S.J.
Date: 1939
Publisher: The Queen's Work, St. Louis

The Cover Promises: Inside the drab gray heart of decent romance, young people force smiles and for some reason are forty. ALSO: Note the feather in the woman's cap, most likely a memento of an earlier conquest, by which I mean that one time she and that boy dared to touch each other's bare hands.

Representative Quotes:

"'Gosh!' said Dick, "I'd be afraid to ask a girl to visit a steel mill or a stockyard or a manufacturing plant.'"
"A girl is or should be interested in what interests the boys she likes."

More »

"My Favorite Douching Positions" and Other Highlights From 1941's Woman's Personal Hygiene

Categories: Studies in Crap

studies_in_crap_womans_personal_hygiene.jpg
Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from Golden State thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.

Woman's Personal Hygiene

Author: Leona W. Chalmers
Date: 1941
Publisher: Pioneer Publications

Representative Quotes:

"Married women who disregard the natural laws of health and hygiene are apt to find themselves alone in the evening while their husbands seek the companionship of other wiser women." (page 75)
"Physicians tell of well-groomed, nicely made-up, perfumed women who, when placed on the table for examination, are found to have the vulva smeared with colon faeces with often a caked, cheese-like substance that must be dislodged by the doctor before he can complete the examination." (page 106)

More »

18 More Ridiculous Cakes From the 1970s, Including Hand-in-Pants Ernie

Categories: Studies in Crap

studies_in_crap_cakes_cover_clown.jpg
Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from Golden State thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.

Mail Box News

Date:1975
Publisher: Maid of Scandinavia, Minneapolis, MN
The Cover Promises: Some clowns can't stop smiling, even when impaled on a pike.

As a medium for artistic expression, cake decorating has one serious advantage over watercolors or pot-throwing: No matter how bad the art, everyone at least still has cake. At gallery shows, this could be revolutionary -- the opening-night refreshment is the art itself! It also might make some grim point about the ephemeral nature of all human endeavor, and it absolutely would cut down on catering costs.

More »

Michael Jackson and Field of Dreams Will Send You to Hell, According to This Dumb 90s Book

Categories: Studies in Crap

studies_in_crap_how_to_be_a_succesful.jpg
Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from Golden State thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.

How to Be a Successful Teenager

Author:Rick Jones
Date: 1994
Publisher: Chick Publications
Discovered at: San Jose estate sale

The Cover Promises: Being a teenager is a thing that you can fail at.

Representative Quotes:

"Judy thought satanism would be fun. But once she got on the inside, she saw things she wished she had never seen."
"Abortions bring in BIG money ...A doctor will make money, nurses will make money, a drug company will make money, a whole system will make money. So when someone asks you to have an abortion, ask yourself 'Who's best interest do they have in mind?'"

More »

"We Have Become a Race of Sex Cripples," Claims 1968's Sexercises [Photos]

Categories: Studies in Crap
studies_in_crap_sexercises_ganglyt.jpg
There's 299 more, just like this.
Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from Golden State thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.

Sexercises

Author: Edward O'Reilly, M.A., M.S.P.E.
Date: 1968
Publisher: Pocket Books
Discovered at: San Francisco Library Book Sale

The Cover Promises: "More than 300 photographs" but not that those photos are almost all of the same skinny doof pelvic thrusting

Representative Quote:

Unfortunately, too many wives become physically unattractive because of lack of exercise.
Modern man, like modern woman, is deteriorating physically ... Automation and mechanization are producing more and more men who are seriously handicapped in the performance of the sex act."

More »

"Difference Between a Cool Girl and a Loser," From a 1966 Seventeen Magazine

Categories: Studies in Crap
studies_in_crap_seventeen_mag_cover.jpg
Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from Golden State thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.

Seventeen, America's Teen-age Magazine

Date: January, 1966
Publisher: Enid A. Haupt
Discovered at: Community Thrift, 623 Valencia

The Cover Promises: Adorkability will not ever be a thing.

Representative Quotes:

What's your secret wish? To have perfect skin? A magic-touch with make-up? To hide your glasses forever and ever? 1966 is the time to set your pace for prettiness!
The countryside here in Vietnam (pronounced "vee-eht-nahm") is like a big, beautiful picture postcard.


More »

Terrible Highlights from Old United Daughters of the Confederacy Magazines

Categories: Studies in Crap

studies_in_crap_united_daughters_onfederacy_cover.jpg
Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from Golden State thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.

A small stack of United Daughters of the Confederacy Magazines

Dates: 1979, 1984, 1985
Publisher: The United Daughters of the Confederacy, Richmond, Va.
Discovered at: A bleak Kansas City estate sale

The Cover Promises: Awkward family photos meet stiff and creepy slave-owner cosplay.

Representative Quotes:

Ladies, we are being swept under the broom of history. The pen is mightier that the sword, and it has used a very strong broom on us. [December, 1985, page 32]


The Confederacy could well have been proud of their women. Their conduct during the war won them the wholehearted respect of their men. They were for secession and were solidly behind the men in their fight for the Southern cause. Relative to the feminine activist movement of today, it can be said that the War Between the States was the first step enabling women in this country to change their status and become recognized on their own merits in a heretofore all male dominated existence. [June, 1979, page 20]

More »

Now Trending

From the Vault

 

©2014 SF Weekly, LP, All rights reserved.
Loading...