Nidhi Chanani

Etsy is often like a thrift store -- it can require a lot of time and patience to pick through a lot of crap (or more importantly, overpriced crap) to find the really well-crafted gems. In order to take the guesswork out of your valiant attempts to support local artists, each week we provide you with a few awesome shops.

With Valentine's Day behind us, the air is not as heavily saturated with the stench of love, loneliness, and desperation, but that doesn't mean you can't still add a touch of romance to your life. This week's featured artists depict love with sweet elegance and sentiment, and may even leave you gazing wistfully and starry-eyed at the object (person, drink of choice, whatever) of your affection.

See Also: Previous Etsy Shops of the Week

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The One.

It is a concept as familiar as commercial jingles, as ubiquitous as the bright candy coloring of a rom-com, and as insufferable as a teenager shouting, "No one understands me." The One is the new shorthand for the idea of the soul mate, that perfect person who completes you.

It is unclear when The One became so common; it seems to have cropped up in the '90s, but "soul mate" is a least as old as Plato. According to his dialogue, The Symposium, humans originally had four arms, four legs, a single head made of two faces and both genitals. Just a little too powerful, these early human hermaphrodites pissed off the gods and as punishment, were split apart and doomed to die. Thankfully, Apollo took pity on these baleful souls and sewed up a new version of them with only one set of stuff and a belly button as a reminder of what was once whole. As a result, we are still, to this day, forever on the hunt for our other half.

Trulia

Are you without a "ring on it" this Valentine's Day? If so, it might not be because this city is notoriously difficult to date in or because of your 4chan habits. It might be that you're in the wrong neighborhood.

Real estate company Trulia recently crunched some numbers on the best places to find love in major metropolitan areas, including the Bay Area, and the results may surprise you.

See Also: In Defense of San Francisco Craigslist Ads: We're No More Annoying than You Are

Here's the thing about living in the city: You get what you pay for. Gorgeous views, international cuisine, indulgent liberalism, and adorable alleyways do not come cheap. Unfortunately for our wallets and genitals, dating tends to work the same way. Whether you're looking for love or simply trying to get your girlfriend out of her sweats, here are our recommendations for the best cheap dates in S.F. to seduce your luvah without breaking the bank (or coming off as a cheapskate).

See also:

San Francisco's Top 10 Places to Take or Act Like a Kid

47 Things We Learned in 2012 That We Really Need to Remember for 2013

Matt Saincome

Malcolm J. Brenner, with his book, Wet Goddess

Malcolm J. Brenner, the controversial author of Wet Goddess, the autobiographical novel of a young man's love affair with a dolphin, relaxes on a computer chair inside a San Francisco apartment, gently stroking one of the two cats occupying the room with us. His red sweater is wiry and frayed, like the hairs on his balding head. He's 40 years older than he was when he drove to a near-abandoned Florida amusement park with the intent to "make love" with a dolphin he had been photographing for nine months.

See also: You can have sex with a horse in more states than you can get gay married
The Sweet Spot: The Truth Behind Puppy Play

pic courtesy of WWE

In honor of the wrestling buzz that's been making the rounds in San Francisco's arts scene (and beyond), we present to you this very sincere advice column, told from the point of view of a professional wrestler, known simply as The Champ.

See also: 

Lube wrestling at El Rio

Pulitzer-nominated pro wrestling play is a slam

Fall arts shows share uncommon ambition

rzrxtion

Did you know August is Anal Sex Month? That's right, while fisting gets a mere day, anal sex gets an entire, glorious month. Stand aside Asthma Awareness Month (or should we say bend over? Sorry!), it's time to take a ride on the Dirty Caboose.

Since it's August 3, we're behind (sorry) in breaking this breaking news to you. But (sorry) we felt we'd be remiss not to tell you about the unofficial San Francisco holiday that celebrates backdoor knocking.

We think about anal sex fairly often. Partially because our Smart phone always tries to autocorrect "texting" with "rectum," but also because this is San Francisco. We believe in fairness. And is there a more equal opportunity orifice than the asshole? We think not. We've also, (unfortunately?) seen some pretty strange anal sex toys in our time, and in the spirit of giving, we'd like to share our top six, all-time WTF toys.

But first, if you want to go deeper (we're not sorry about that one), then check out Good Vibes' handy how-to guide on anal pleasure.

Without further a doo-doo:

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In last week's column I offered to give dating advice to my readers. "How do I avoid seeming desperate when deep down, I really am desperate?" asked a 24-year-old man. His issue, he confessed, is confidence and the feeling that he is being left behind in the realm of romance. I penned off some suggestions only to discover, much to my dismay when he wrote me back, that they were entirely unhelpful. I was reminded that it is a treacherous road traveled by those who dare the conceit of telling someone how to solve their problems. I hung my head in shame and then I went to go see Dear Sugar. Or more specifically, I attended the Rumpus release party of Cheryl Strayed's book Tiny, Beautiful Things at the Verdi club.

When it comes to memorable movie lines, few can compare to The Princess Bride's "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." It's a phrase that immediately makes us nostalgic. Recite it, and little by little, piece by piece, everything comes flooding back. The fire swamps, the water-powered torture machine, the "mawage" priest at the royal wedding, games of wit, and Andre the Giant playing, well, a giant.

George Gentry/U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service

There are lots of reasons to head to Point Reyes this summer and hike the full 9.2 miles to Tomales Point. But the best one?

The elk are mating.

Drive to Pierce Point Ranch parking lot and hit the trail. Within a mile, you'll likely see an eager Parks Department guide at the trailhead and Windy Gap. They'll offer you a row of binoculars and a lot of firsthand information on herd mating ... which can get a little weird. You can head back to the parking lot, or hike further onto the relatively flat trail, where you won't require further assistance. Large groups of roaming elk can be spotted a mere 20 feet away.