​

If you own a television, then you are probably aware (unfortunately) of the fact that Tyra Banks exists (we're very, very sorry). She was a so-called supermodel for a while, then she had a chat show. Recently she wrote a preposterous book (more on that later). Oh, and she also invented a hugely successful reality TV modeling competition, which is currently in its 12th season. It's aired all over the world and called America's Next Top Model. In the course all of this, we have learned but one lesson: Tyra Banks is one of the most annoying humans on Earth.

More >>

​
Saturday was the second anniversary of the death of 1980s teen heartthrob, Corey Haim. We loved Corey Haim. We loved him in everything he did (right up until 1990, at least). We loved his boyish good looks, his inability to ever close his mouth and his off-set, bad boy reputation.

We loved his touching portrayal of a young, sensitive nerd in Lucas (with Charlie Sheen!). We loved his comedic performance in the ridiculously over the top teen car movie, License to Drive (with Heather Graham!). We even loved him in insane rollerblading romp, Prayer of the Rollerboys (with Patricia Arquette!) -- and that movie was awful. But most of all, we loved him in The Lost Boys, a 1987 classic that should be watched by every human being on the planet, at least once.

For those of you uninterested giving up 90 minutes of your life to do so, we have prepared a (tragically detailed) plot synopsis, so you too can fully understand the glory of this thing. This is for you, Corey Haim. We will always love you. R.I.P., buddy.More >>

​



In all likelihood, one of the most broadly agreed upon opinions in this great, oh-so-divided country of ours is that Donald Trump is a delusional imbecile with the worst (and least convincing) comb-over in the history of haircuts. Even if you ignore his ridiculous political posturings recently, his obscenely racist demands for a birth certificate from Barack Obama and his opposition to gay marriage even though he's on his third wife, Trump is still an odious little creep of a man. So why can't we stop watching Celebrity Apprentice?More >>

​

I have a friend who met a long-term boyfriend via the Missed Connections page on Craigslist.

Let that sink in for a second.

I would now like to emphasize that I am not making this up. I met him. Many times. And he wasn't a freak. Neither is my friend, in case you were wondering ... and she's the one who put the post online in the first place.

Do you know what this means?

This means that -- at least occasionally -- Missed Connections actually does what it's supposed to! How bat-poop crazy is that?

More >>

​
A friend of mine was recently getting some work done in one of San Francisco's most respected tattoo shops, Skull & Sword, when the conversation turned to new Spike TV reality competition show, Ink Master. In case you've missed this slice of Truly Awful Television, it is basically America's Next Model for tattoo artists. But instead of Tyra Banks standing around looking stern every week, we get the first tattooed guy the producers could think of (probably because he and his ex-wife Carmen Electra had a reality T.V. show of their own a few years back), Dave Navarro. Dave Navarro -- in case you're not familiar -- has played guitar in Jane's Addiction and the Red Hot Chili Peppers and, very importantly, has some of the dodgiest tattoos in living memory.

More >>

​Is anyone out there a fan of reality television? Yeah. Us neither. And yet we're hideously addicted to watching any and all shows involving the Kardashian family. This has been bothering us for months on a seriously deep level, but we recently finally figured out why we can't stop watching this pap -- the entire family (extended included) is utterly prone to saying the most ridiculous, (often unintentionally) hilarious things. Here's a selection of our favorites from the latest Kardashian series, Kourtney and Kim Take New York. But first, an introduction to the family for those of you smart enough to stay away from this nonsense.

Kourtney Kardashian: Sister #1

Kim Kardashian: Sister #2

Khloe Kardashian: Sister #3

Kris Jenner: The Kardashian Mom

Kris Humphries: Kim's (now ex) Husband

Scott Disick: Kourtney Kardashian's baby daddy

More >>

​

In case you're not an avid viewer of daytime televisual melodrama, you may not realize that James Franco's character in long-running soap, General Hospital, just got (dun-dun-duuuun!) killed off after over two years of sporadic and consistently ridiculous appearances. If you've never seen James Franco in General Hospital, it is highly likely that you don't give a damn about this news. But if you've never seen James Franco in General Hospital, you are probably unaware that his character in the soap was a modern artist/ serial killer (yes, you did read that right), named (this is really the cherry on top), Franco. Uh-huh. Stay with us here because it gets better.
More >>