The Bachelor, Juan Pablo, Episode Cinco: Elvis Presley's Madonna/Whore Thing

Categories: TV


This week our hero and his brothel were in Vietnam sweating their taut asses off. Juan Pablo is leaning towards several women: Renee, Nikki, and Clare. His ojos get muy grande every time he is with them. But let's talk about that bizarre Clare slut-shaming situation.

Did you ever hear about Elvis Presley's Madonna/Whore thing? Once a woman had his baby he would no longer sleep with her. When Priscilla became a mother, her vagina apparently turned into some sort of holy shrine that could no longer be penetrated. Juan Pablo seems to have a similar mindset, only backwards: If you sleep with him you are impure. How else to describe what he said to Clare?

Countdown to no sex in five....four...three

On the episode, it appeared that Juan Pablo pulled her aside for a make-out session in the pool, then later he grabbed her again for a midnight ocean romp. I guess they had sex out there in the sea, because just when Clare was feeling good and happy, he dumped on her the reservations he had about how the whole thing would look to his daughter. He made it sound like it was all her doing -- a guy who just spent a week making out with several different women, and he's lecturing Clare on being a vile seductress. He made her cry. What a dickhead.

El Slut Shamer

"What happened happened already, you know, and uh... I have a daughter... I don't want her to see what happened. If she sees it, I don't think that will be nice." He keeps bringing up his daughter in the worst possible ways.

I don't trust this guy, and I'm not alone. The BART station agent in West Oakland and I compare notes each week, and let me tell you ABC, he is also not impressed with El Bachelor.

Maybe Juan Pablo and the producers realized this, and that is why he wept at the rose ceremony. Time to look sensitive, toot sweet! Como se dice "douchebag" in Espanol?

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