The Real World Ex-Plosion, Episode Four: Not Enough Pucking

Categories: TV

The last week of the O.G's

I was strangely excited to see the exes show up this week, but of course MTV teased that bit again and then put it off until next week. The show, however, should just be called The Real World SEXPlosion, because that is all it is... all they talk about... all they do. I'm not even sure why they billed it as being in San Francisco, because each week they go to yet another generic bar, or there are exterior shots of some random corner at night, sped up, all Bright Lights Big City.

Arielle, who we know in real life makes amateur horror films, instead lent her talents to bringing the cast to a sumptuous banquet in the back of what looked like some zero-star Chinese joint. Waiters and waitresses in French maid and stud ensembles served them and proceeded to writhe on one another and the housemates.

The housemates prepare for the orgy

This was ostensibly to get everyone in the house horny, like that was necessary. After the meal everyone headed back to the crib and boinked, even though they say the cameras were everywhere and it made them uncomfortable. Apparently they got over it.

Jamie and Tom finally consummated their strange pairing -- the "punk rock" chick (cough) and the trust-fund prep. Still left out in the cold is Jay, who did manage to kiss a girl at a club, for which he will pay dearly when his ex shows up, natch. I still have no idea why they decided to cast him. He looks like someone you might pay under the table to detail your car.

Speaking of exes, I guess no one told them that they were all going to be joining the show; everyone thought they were the only person. That's kind of a cool twist. So far the old flames all seem a bit dull, and by dull i definitely mean "less shiny" than the O.G.'s (Arielle told me that was what the original housemates called themselves). They are attractive but just slightly above average, which, to be fair, I suppose you could say about the O.G.s too, except for Arielle and Tom, who were hot in real life when I went to a press junket at the house. Everyone has an amazing body in real life though. That part ain't camera tricks.

What this show needs is more Pucking

Let me be blunt: This is the point in the show where they are going to start losing whatever audience they have. There is no plot on this show outside of who-is-fucking-who. No one is vulnerable enough to latch onto and care about. We know nothing about them outside of their sexuality. And besides, Monday's Teen Wolf that you missed is on the DVR, right?

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My Voice Nation Help
Eve Vuillemainroy
Eve Vuillemainroy

Did you actually write about this the first time they were in SF?

Jeremy Baker
Jeremy Baker

i mean i really have time to give a shit about this in between my google bus hostage crises

Jake Orr
Jake Orr

Please stop writing about this

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