The Real World Ex-Plosion: Episode Two,
The Bay Shore
MTV Horny bastards
And so it was that on the second episode of the 29th season of The Real World, it became crystal clear what was happening: This was supposed to be The Jersey Shore: Bay Area Edition. Everyone is already hooking up with everyone else, testosterone is already exploding into fights, and drunken bimbos get mouthy and smear their eye makeup.
But first let's talk about the fights, because if there was on tenet of the Ye Olde Reale Worlde, it was that you were not to lay your hands on one another unless it was to achieve orgasm. That's all out the bay window now because Ashley threw a skillet's worth of hot fat on Arielle, and Cory shoved a dude in the street and then knocked Arielle down when she tried to keep him from "beating his ass."
Wikipedia.org Medieval hot oil facial
Poor Arielle! She handled the medieval hot oil shower like a trooper, sitting down with Ashley (who, for the record, is the House Bitch) and trying to get to the bottom of her motivations for doing what she did... Right. Can you tell she lived in Berkeley?
Several plot elements have been introduced. First, Tom, who is the cutest in the house (and apparently the richest) has only had sex with three people, and he says he will only make love, and not just screw. He quickly pairs up with Jaime and calls her his girlfriend, ostensibly because then they can make love whilst in a committed relationship. Tom also Skyped with his ex, Hailey, who we know is going to be showing up to surprise him.
Plot point two: Ashley is a bitch, as I mentioned before. She is a mean drunk. Awesome combo. Point three: Cory is a dog, Jenny D has big tits and falls for said dog, and she ominously states "He reminds me so much of my ex." Good! Maybe they will get along great when he arrives.
Left out in the cold a bit are Arielle, who is the lone lesbian, and Jay, who seems to get some bad news next week and has to leave the cast. Maybe. That's fine, he doesn't fit in very well and I'm not sure why he was chosen to be on this glorious trainwreck.
MTV Jay the goombah dullard
I would be remiss if I didn't mention that this week they did the all-important San Francisco montage, with Alcatraz, Chinatown, the bridge, et cetera and so forth all in the background as they giggled and cavorted about our fair city. All I could think about was what some of the crew of HBO's Looking told me when they were filming the new show. When they were shooting on location outside, people would yell, "Fuck you Real World!!", mistaking them for "the cast of seven strangers." So how much abuse did the actual Real World cast get on The streets of S.F.? Hopefully a lot. You've never let me down before, San Francisco.