Girls, Episode 3, Season 2: Cocaine Is a Helluva Drug

Categories: TV
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Girls finally plunged into drug territory. We could be annoyed at the cavalier use of hard narcotics on television, but, honestly, we're more amused by the fact that a big TV show is pointing out how incredibly stupid cocaine makes human beings. Because, as we all know by now, everyone in Girls is annoying, but we hadn't come to grips with how incredibly stupid they all are until last night. We guess, sometimes, it takes drugs for that.

See Also: Girls , Season 2, Episode 2: Even More Awkward Than Usual

At the top of the stupid list is Marnie, who sleeps with irritating, supremely egotistical artist Booth Jonathan (who tells Marnie, on encountering her at the club she works at: "I think you're a person that's about to have sex with me." Eugh). Booth Jonathan is so incredibly inane that he, mid-coitus with Marnie, yells at her to look at a doll by his bedside. Because that's the artsy thing to do, natch. Marnie looks appropriately confused and bored, but plays along regardless and, remarkably, doesn't even seem bothered by the sub-par sexual performance, after the fact.

Booth Jonathan is the type of man that doesn't have a bathroom door, and says things like: "I love when young people are passionate about something, and then they just give up the second that they have to struggle." This man is such a giant asshole, we would need a physiological chart of the human body under stress to come up with a body part analogy as awful as he is. And yet, Marnie willingly sleeps with him and tolerates all of his sexual disrespect ("Are you on the pill?" he asks right before orgasm). Because this is Girls.

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And yes, Hannah and Elijah are also stupid in this episode too -- procuring cocaine and doing it at a big dance club because Hannah's Jazzhate editor suggests doing so for a story (despite Hannah's protestations that she has "weird nasal passages") -- plummeting into anger and despair after Elijah tells Hannah that he had sex with Marnie, while a Kreayshawn remix plays in the background. (The news is shared over a toilet bowl, by the way).

Hannah picks up the drugs from her downstairs neighbor, Laird, who is a recovering addict, who then follows her during her night out with Elijah to make sure she's okay. Ultimately, Hannah throws herself at him in a passionate, hallway embrace, during which he keeps asking if it's okay that he kisses her. Laird is stupid for getting drugs for Hannah, then regretting it, but he doesn't seem like a truly terrible human, so we'll let it go. It's certainly better than Hannah's attempt to re-seduce Elijah by throwing herself at him in a drug store. ("When did you eat jerky?" Elijah asks post-kiss. "That is not a concern of yours!" Hannah protests.)

Hannah and Elijah's coke binge starts off hilariously thankfully, with the two of them sharing their deepest hopes and fears. For example: "I wanna learn how to write a check properly," Hannah says. "I think that's so important because every time I have to write a check now, I have to look at the carbon copy of what came before. I'm often mixing up the money and the date." She also says, in an even more horrifying turn, that she wants to "get married wearing a veil. And I wanna taste like 15 cakes before that. And I know I said I was opposed to the industrial marriage complex, but that's what I really want." It's totally gross from a feminist perspective. Obviously.

Hannah's coke-induced stupor isn't at its pinnacle when Elijah persuades her to write all over her own walls (because, yes, that happens), but rather when she decides to get totally topless and switch tops with a random guy in the club that her and Elijah go to. The punchline is that she ends up bra-less, in a neon yellow net shirt. ("What are you wearing?" Marnie asks in despair later on.)

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At the end of the episode, Hannah tells Elijah that he needs to move out of their apartment because of the Marnie indiscretion. But honestly, all we can think about right now is Shoshanna, whom we desperately want to see more of. Despite being the most idealistic and unrealistic of the Girls crew, she spouts hilarious gems of dialogue at every turn, given the opportunity ("No totally. All of the junkies in my building totally hang out by the mailboxes"). We want more. Sadly, she's in Episode 3 for all of one minute. As is Jessa. But we're worried about Jessa because she's too happy with her new husband right now and we know that Girls is too realistic to let that slide for too long. We feel the storm coming on that front and we're hoping that next week brings us the goods, just to put us out of our misery.

Best Quotes of the Show:

"Let's have the type of night where it's, like, 5 a.m. and one of us has definitely punched someone who's been on a Disney Channel show," -- Elijah

"It is my greatest dream to have sex with myself ... but also my biggest nightmare." -- Hannah

"The '90s were like a straight line. Super frustrating." -- Marnie

"One could go through their whole life wearing shorty shorts and offend nobody." -- Hannah

"Did you fuck her in like a sexual way? Could you feel all her ribs? Did you smell her hair?" Hannah, asking Elijah about his sexual encounter with Marnie.

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