Top 10 "Sexy" Halloween Costumes

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yandy.com

We're not the type of person to harp on slutty Halloween costumes. We frankly don't give a damn about whether you think wearing a silver bikini makes you an "astronaut" because, let's be honest, Halloween is a holiday about getting laid, just like New Year's Eve, and National Feral Cat Day. If slutting up Big Bird helps you accomplish that, then, well, we can't say we applaud it, but we do understand. With that in mind, we present to you the most downright laughable "sexy" Halloween costumes this year. Because now we have uncomfortable images of Sesame Street characters in our head and we don't want to be the only ones.

See also:

Our slideshow on the sexiest (and most ridiculous) costumes

Dating advice from a zombie

10. Bert and Ernie

Let's, just for a moment, recall what Bert and Ernie, actually look like.

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Children's Television Workshop

They have turtlenecks, a unibrow (or no eyebrows at all), a tuft of troll hair, and noses as big as their repressed homosexuality. Pretty much the least sexy combination imaginable, right? Wrong. Muppets may be made out of felt, but that doesn't mean they don't want to be felt up. Witness:

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yandy.com

What we really want to know is what guy would cop to wanting to do a girl dressed as a children's puppet. That's pretty much asking for an uncomfortable conversation.

9. Sexy Hamburger

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For those who've never actually seen a hamburger.

8. Sexy Angry Bird

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yandy.com

We're pretty sure this is a subtly altered Slutty Mrs. Claus costume, and on some level, their recycling efforts appeal to our San Francisco sensibilities. We'll leave it at that.

7. Sexy Honey Badger

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yandy.com

First of all, honey badger is already sexy, so the sexy in the title is redundant. Second, this is soooo last year. Third, the fact that you need a button that says "honey badger" to denote what the costume is renders it ridiculous.

6. Sexy Dinosaur

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yandy.com

This actually took us a minute. We mistakenly thought this was a "sexy girl being eaten by a piranha" due to the hood and the teeth going all Edward Scissorhands on her face. Now that we think about it, that'd be a better costume than this one. Not that we wouldn't fuck a Triceratops if worse came to worse ... because, well, three horns!


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19 comments
Spittoonist
Spittoonist

@DeekyMD Since when is Halloween about getting laid?!? Who are these people?

3WordsWillDo
3WordsWillDo

@Spittoonist @DeekyMD Also, what is their attachment to the word slut?

DeekyMD
DeekyMD

@3WordsWillDo @Spittoonist I don't know. It's so weird. Go to any costume store and almost all costumes for women are "sexy."

ProfessorMortis
ProfessorMortis

@Spittoonist @3WordsWillDo @DeekyMD I believe Jeffery Hunter was the sexy Jesus of his day in King of Kings.

Spittoonist
Spittoonist

@3WordsWillDo @ProfessorMortis @DeekyMD Breaking souls... Hey,has anyone gone as a sexy Jesus yet? J-man in G-string..?

3WordsWillDo
3WordsWillDo

@ProfessorMortis @DeekyMD @Spittoonist Sexy Nemo broke my soul.

ProfessorMortis
ProfessorMortis

@3WordsWillDo @deekymd @spittoonist Sexy nun is awful-but at least there is a long history of them in fiction/erotica. Unlike sexy Nemo.

DeekyMD
DeekyMD

@Spittoonist @3WordsWillDo I'm cheap and flaming and no one has made a costume of me!

DeekyMD
DeekyMD

@ScottMadin @3WordsWillDo @Spittoonist @johnmoe Who?

Spittoonist
Spittoonist

@3WordsWillDo @DeekyMD What's really sexy is how cheap and flammable these costumes are.

DeekyMD
DeekyMD

@3WordsWillDo @Spittoonist Miss Freddy Krueger, sexy child molester!

DeekyMD
DeekyMD

@3WordsWillDo @Spittoonist MOUSE OVER TO ZOOM Miss Freddy Krueger, sexy child molester!

ScottMadin
ScottMadin

@DeekyMD @3WordsWillDo @Spittoonist y'all saw @johnmoe's #ObscureSexyHalloweenCostumes tag today, right?

3WordsWillDo
3WordsWillDo

@DeekyMD @Spittoonist There is nothing sexier than nightmare eviscerations.

Spittoonist
Spittoonist

@3WordsWillDo @DeekyMD Nuns are never sexy. They are scarey.

Spittoonist
Spittoonist

@DeekyMD @3WordsWillDo None of the costumes for women have pants. So I guess naturally whoever wears it IS a slut..

3WordsWillDo
3WordsWillDo

@DeekyMD @Spittoonist Exactly. The first time I saw the "sexy nun" costume, I lost all hope for humanity.

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