5 Hilarious Images of Social Media From Free Jehovah's Witness Magazine

• Im so glad that so many of us are aware of the "dubs"and their subversive practices. They are an evil cult and the amount of damage they do is unmeasurable.So when they come to your door,boot them out.Dont even listen! Tell them that we will not accept cults such as this.Their is enough hate and negativity in this world without having it set upon us by our religion.God for you all!!!!

• I use to defend them when I was a child in school.  I took up for their beliefs and was ratical about how true they were.  I now am so ashamed of the way I talked and acted especially when I see classmate.  I cannot call them friends, for I was not allowed to have any friends that were not JW's.  I hate that I was a peddler of the magazine and I hate the evil way just saying Jehovah's Witness makes me feel.  A big regret in my life, but I am so happy to be out of it.

• I have been a shunned or 'disfellowshipped" individual for over 32 years now. My mother gave up her marriage for this so called religion, which I also see as a cult, and then when my brother and I chose to no longer be a JW, she forced us to move out so she would not be cast out of the congregation as well.  I can tell you it destroys families and while I am a Christian, I do not believe that God intends to seperate people,but to bring them together. When my mother was ill and in a nursing home, they did very little to help her.  According to the nurses, they never came by to see her, sit with her, pray with her; she was of no use to them anymore and so she was ignored.  They  tried to tell me this wasn't so, but my grandmother was one as well.  When she could no tlonger attend the meetings, contribute to the local congregation, go out in the service work, or attend the assemblies, then she was forgotten about as well.  She was blessed to have a once a year visit from them.  I could tell you lots of inside information about this group of people, though I have prayed for God to let me forget everything I ever learned from them.  My advise, "STAY AWAY FROM THEM." Their first attack is the watchtower and awake magazines. 

• not to mention the free labor they get at the Watchtower Bilble and Tract Society....they work for free, even grow their own food.

• As an ex JW I recall in 1974-77 Witnesses selling their homes, having their children drop out of high school, quitting their jobs because it was time for Armageddon and they needed to warn everyone and convert them over to the "Truth" (which I now refer to as the "False"). This has happened over and over again. By the very nature of the beliefs .. You will know false prophets because they prophecy things that do not happen..The bible states NO ONE KNOWS THE TIME OR THE PLACE BUT THE FATHER. HELLO is their anyone in there?  JW's have been instructed that if they were to read their Bibles for 6 months and not the literature they would be lost..hmmm I'll take my cool-aid now.  I am not laughing at the JW's it is sad sad sad. My mom has 7 children and has turned her back on us all In the name of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society....Bravo!!!!!!!  Satan's Puppeteers! Unfortunately their minds have turned to mush from lack of exercise.  It truly is very sad.

• I searched but couldn't find your group. :(

• I am also an Ex-Jw, and this just made my day! i also find it so funny how practicing jw‘s feel the need to defend - they aren't even ALLOWED to be on a site like this!! LOL

• (pardon my typos... "all the content..." "Buall I had to do was..." should not be in there...) so repost: Actually, Jjmills, I read all the content of the Watchtower and awake for 35 years. I would notice when they changed something that had been taught before to the opposite position, and even change it back again more than once. I filed it away in my "Jehovah will set it right in his own time" spot in my brain. It took the child abuse/perpetrator protection controvery to make me look again with fresh eyes. When I quit the JWs, all I had to do was reread their stuff.     

• Actually, Jjmills, I read all the contect of the Watchtower and awake for 35 years.  I would notice when they changed something that had been taught before to the opposite position, and even change it back again more than once.  Buall I had to do was rt I filed it away in my "Jehovah will set it right in his own time" spot in my brain. It took the child abuse/perpetrator protection controvery to make me look again with fresh eyes.  When I quit the JWs, all I had to do was reread their stuff.

• Disrespectful? Oh Perleease! Every Watchtower that has ever been written contains disrespect for anything and everything, other religions, faiths, philosophies, people's and science... in short everything that is not of the Watchtower. The Watchtower and Awake magazine get more childlike each year, they even have a join the dots page now. A silly magazine, with silly pictures preaching a silly message.

• yeah thats right, and spare a thought for the 'enslaved' who think they're serving the 'true God' whereas those false apostles, false prophets, flag waving, numbers men in their 'ivory gold laden towers' do NOT give a rats.....for their 'victims' blood, sweat & tears as they live in WT 'sworn to poverty' conditions of unreality dreamland, wherever their secret  Head Quarters currently is or their printing company..

• Correction, CT Russell proclaimed to be in the late 1800's

• Printing corporations and Magazine publishers know what sells. Magazines sell better when they do  a little fear mongering  on the cover. It's been going on for decades...its a tried and true method so they stick with it. It also motivates their members to save their own skin while donating their free labor to spread theses unreliably written predictions.

• Only difference is that Newsweek is talking about things happening in the world, not a chosen race destined to survive Armageddon while babies are murdered by God because they weren't Jehovah's Witnesses This isn't the religion that was started by Charles Taze Russell by the way, his open minded writings (comparably speaking) would be considered apostasy today. And that beard! My goodness! Satan himself resides in the facial hair of men! God forbid or you can't do mics or become a MS (not to mention elder, CO, DO). Wow...that breakdown of positions is alot like...well I'll be damned...the Catholic church. 

• I, too, was shocked when I saw that Watchtower Armageddon cover. But then I saw the Newsweek cover of March 28, 2011: "Tsunamis, Earthquakes, Nuclear Meltdowns, Revolutions, Economies on the Brink. What the #@%! is Next?" and it didn't seem so bad.  

• Couldn't agree more! So the salvation plan of the mainstream Christian is more scary, spend eternity in heaven or hell. The JW's salvation plan is a bit funny, the loving God will resurrect you just to kill you again if you're wicked; heaven's compound can only occupy 144,000 people; so if you're good enough you'll get to live on paradise earth and if not, just die twice and stop existing... nothing much to gain or lose, really...

• What is interesting is JW's recently had two serve-us meetings discussing the dangers of social networking to coincide with their distribution of this magazine. The truth is the Watchtower organization is trying to induce guilt & fear in their followers to keep them off social networks. They present this as a way of protecting the followers from Satan when in reality it's in hopes to keep their flock ignorant as to what the religion is. They know former JW's are no longer mental slaves to their propaganda and want to keep their followers as far from us as possible. The Jehovah's Witnesses are not aware they are living an Orwellian existence, where they are to believe only what is presented to them by their handlers. Sadly this article and most of these posts will only turn up the paranoia in them as they see this as persecution.

• It's actually kind of sad....they can't see that their version of hell is armageddon and their version of heaven is paradise.....no real difference from mainstream religion, with the exception that if you speak up and say it doesn't make any sense you lose your entire network of friends. That's what happened to me when I left at 24 after growing up in it. My parents still talk to me fortunately, and I'm not officially DF'd or DA'd. I know many many people who are inactive OR were inactive, only to go back because the guilt and fear of dying at Armageddon was too much to bear. there is no reasoning with a jehovah's witness - they believe they are the truth and are right - terribly annoying to try to talk to people like that. The good news is, even if they are right (which they aren't), they also teach that the dead are conscious of nothing. So you have nothing to fear if their loving God kills you at Armageddon. Yay!!!

•  Jehovah's Witnesses don't say that. Only true Christians religions that believe in Jesus is God and Lord and Savior. They believe he was Michael the archangel.

• Jehovah's Witnesses proselytizing is a scam.  A) They are at your door to recruit you for their watchtower society corporation,they will say that *we are just here to share a message from the Bible*... this is deception right off. B) Their *message* creed is a false Gospel that Jesus had his second coming in 1914.The problem with this is it's not just a cute fairy tale,Jesus warned of the false prophets who would claim *..look he is here in the wilderness,or see here he is at the temple*. C) Their anti-blood transfusion ban against *whole blood* has killed thousands . D) once they recruit you they will *love bomb* you in cult fashion to also recruit your family & friends or cut them off. *Wolves in sheep's clothing*----My family was spiritually and financially swindled by the apostate Watchtower society,3rd generation Jehovah's Witness Danny Haszard FMI dannyhaszard(dot)com

• I read every one of those mags for over 15 years. Everything they write is filtered through their own dogma. I am now attending University and, let me assure you, JW publications provide half-truths and questionable sources.

• These articles look harmless enough at first glance but the person at the door truly believes that if you don't listen to his/her message you have blown your chance at eternal life and God will destroy you and your children because you did not respond, for example, to the ridiculous picture of the Eskimo surfing the Internet in an igloo. These people are very childlike and accept whatever they are told in these magazines without verifying the sources of the information for themselves. If they disagree with any of it, they must keep it to themselves or risk the possibility of being shunned by their friends and family. They believe that the End of the world will come when their message has been preached throughout the world yet they still knock on doors one by one rather than making  an efficient world wide broadcast via Television or the Internet to get the work done quickly and save as many as possible. They will tell you the reason for this is because Jesus did it this way. However, Jesus didn't use magazines or drive from neighborhood in a car, the message was the main thing not how it was delivered. This is  a printing corporation first and foremost and these well meaning folks have been taken in by it and millions have found out to their heartache that they wasted their lives being involved with it. Many have lost their lives making serious medical decisions based on advice taken from these magazines and from it's writers.

• I bet many JWs will be rather indignant at this article, claiming that it is "persecution" coming from Satan.  But before they get too offended, it would do them good to remember all of the harsh criticisms that their organization has directed at other religions.  The second Watchtower President, J.F. Rutherford was well known for his public diatribes against the Christian churches, which he affectionately referred to as a harlot.  Remember JWs: what goes around, comes around.  If you don't want people to be critical of your religion, it might do you good to practic the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".  Good advice from God's son, is it not? 

• LOL!

• This is so funny!  Being a former Jehovah's Witness, I was raised with this crap. Thanks for the laugh!

• As one who is intimately familiar with the teachings of Jehovah's Witnesses, just send me a request on facebook and I'd be thrilled to share my Watchtower knowledge with you, unless of course the society tells me to stop using facebook.  Then I will have to stop.  Watch out for the mentally ill apostates on this board.  There's lots of them.  How do I know the apostates are mentally ill?  Because the Watchtower told me!  Anyone who stops believing the teachings of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society is mentally ill. (Watchtower 7/15/2011).  These must be avoided, because, like a highly contagious disease, their mental illness will spread.  I leave you with an important parenting tip fro the Watchtower, Aug 15, 1963."Do not hold back discipline from the mere boy. In case you beat him with the rod, he will not die. With the rod you yourself should beat him, that you may deliver his very soul from Sheol itself." At times, then, a parent will need to speak to the child by the administration of pain. This pain, God's Word assures us, is not going to kill the child; but it will have beneficial effects, protective benefits for the child, protecting "his very soul from Sheol."

• If you actually read the content in the Watchtower and Awake, you would realize how accurate they are

• Before you guys judge too harshly upon the literary and educational content of the wonderful Watchtower and its companion, the Awake! magazines, please be advised that reading these fine, authentic, crafted-directly-from-the-spirit-of-God-Hisself publications can be said to be equivalent to a broad (University) education: And I quote: Watchtower 6/15/1983: "IT HAS been said that by reading the Watchtower and Awake! magazines, along with other publications of Jehovah’s Witnesses, a person will receive, over a period of years, a considerable and broad education. ... Would you like to grow in knowledge, obtaining an education of even much greater value than can be received in any college? You can do so by reading regularly this magazine and its companion, Awake! Not only will these journals help you to keep up with world events but they will also help you to see how these events fulfill the Bible prophecies regarding the time of the end of this entire system of things. Yes, regularly reading these publications not only will improve your knowledge of secular matters but will also provide you with knowledge that will put you in line to live forever in God’s righteous new system." So there!  Zip it.  I be smarter cuz I readed all dat.

•  Oh, and any and all Ex-JW's out there who need to vent, please feel free to join our Facebook group.  Just search for "Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses Recovery Group" and click "join".  After we write to the Society, so that they can verify your records with your previous congregation, we'll let you join!

• Ditto.  As an Ex-JW "apostate", this was one of the funnier articles about the WT I've read in a long, long time.  Despite what I was told as a JW child, I've found out that worldly people can be so very funny.. Yay! Kyria, loved you book, BTW..!

• That so many families are broken apart by this org, is a glaring huge danger sign that this organization is a cult. Why that isn’t obvious to those within- is another example, flashing lights again- that it is a cult. That fact that people who no longer want to subscribe to its bonkers beliefs are shunned by their entire support network is a disgustingly cruel practice, one that is insultingly presented as “a loving act”. and it is additionally cruel as this organisation has designed their brand of truth as being separate and no part of this world, therefore members are encouraged constantly- to have v limited association with the world’s inhabitants, and anything worldly..so when they are dis- fellowshipped they are utterly cast adrift. The main ingredients of this high control group are fear and denial, denial of human liberty and the right to life and real truths. And denial that they the Governing Body are manipulating wealthy charlatans. If you love people, life, God then this organisations behaviour is in direct contradiction. If you are under the influence of mind control then it all makes perfect terrible sense. And you’ll defend it to the bitter end. It’s a cult.

• Fellow former JW here.  This is awesome.  I started cracking up the second I saw the igloo, even before reading the commentary.  And the juxtaposition between the Watchtower and Awake! covers is just too perfect.

• You are right dude that is pretty hilarious Wow. Total-Privacy dot US

• What should I do if the god of love defriends me?......priceless!

• Don't forget you get the friendly public version of the Watchtower, not the 'members only' version that is full of "obey us or die" messages from the governing body.

• The two magazines well illustrate the Jehovah's Witness' modus operandi . . . They use guilt and fear to herd the unwary into their cult (Watchtower), and then guilt and fear to keep them ignorant (Awake)

• Respect is earned . . . that's why the JW's get absolutely none outside of their closed little world

• that was excellent

• This article is really clever...raised in the JW religion, I can see they're still up to their paranoia raising antics. When I was growing up, college was verboten. Now it would seem their problems are worse than ever. It wouldn't surprise me if they start banning members from computer use.

• If you count only reading the cover, then they might be right. Of course, by that criteria, the National Enquirer might qualify as the most widely read magazine. 

• Thanks for the article. I was also a peddler for this terrible organization. I always felt like the articles were written by and for people with no friggin idea how the world outside of their compound, Bethel, works.  Also, yes, this organization deserves absolutely NO respect. Any organization that breaks up families while claiming to have the highest degree of love possible deserves to be laughed at. Any organization that allows children to die because the parents refuse medical treatment deserves to be mocked and ridiculed. AND, any organization that has policies that create havens for child molesters deserve a whole lot more than disrespect.

• Very funny. I used to be one of those "distributors"....thanks for this piece.

• So calling people "mentally ill" if they leave the faith isn't disrespectful? Maybe they should follow Jesus' words in Matt 5:22 and not call anyone a fool. Then again they've made loads of false prophecies eg. 1914, 1925 etc. so it's not too surprising.

• I can't tell if you're trolling or not, if so you got me! If not, it's more like people will realise what bilge they're producing. I wonder if they still think that using aluminium pots and pans causes illness? Or vaccines are the work of the devil? Have a look at the early magazines if you're interested, SURELY you must be interested in your own magazines...right?

• sounds like someone is a sour-faced JW!

• As a former JW, I find these articles hilarious. Facebooking in an igloo?! African women texting with fruit on their head?! Omg, how idiotic! But it should be known that the JWs are no laughing matter. They break up families and friends with their shunning policies. They raise up their kids in their religious Organization and never let them change their mind without fear of ostracization

• They leave 20 copies at a laundry mat several times a week.People throw them away..Maybe they should say most printed?

• Oh,we all know about it,Yes we do.Armageddon has been "just around the corner"since the early 1900's....lol

• Really.They disrespect everyone who isnt knee deep in their cult,even to the point of 'shunning' which is disastrous to families.They deserve a lot more than "disrespect".I thought it was funny,but I miss the pics of hippies and gangsta's that the Watchtower used to put out..The African ladies w.fruit on their heads and perfect teeth are a sight for sore eyes tho...lol

• With all due respect I think you're overestimating the amount of respect the JW's are entitled to. There's no reason why a group that calls everybody who isn't one of their members a satanist can't handle being joked about.  This doesn't feel like it qualifies as hateful bashing, just pointing out goofiness. 

• Awesome. I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and I cannot stop laughing right now. I haven't seen a Watchtower in a long time, but I'm so happy to see that African women still wear fruit on their heads in this world. Now I have to leave the internet before demons get me.

• I find this a highly disrespectful article. Seems like this writer was having a bit of a dry week and decided bash on something that just happened to cross his path. Lame.

• I like to read the SFWeekly. And thank you for this article about the February Watchtower and Awake! magazines. This will enable more people to hear about the message that the Bible has for our day. It is the sincere desire of all Jehovah's Witnesses to advertise the only real hope for this troubled world, God's Kingdom through Jesus Christ.

• As a former Jehovah's Witness, I can tell you that the claim of The Watchtower being the "most widely read" magazine is piece of propaganda silliness. More accurately, it could be called the most widely distributed magazine, but most read? Hardly. People take the magazine from Witnesses at their door to get rid of them or because they feel sorry for them, not to read them. Many Witnesses never even make it through the mags because it's the same year-and-a-half of material recycled over and over.

• Jehovah Witness's who use to knock on your Door and ask,  "Do you take Jesus as your Lord and Savior"  Can now just Spam the message....(great)  #sarcasm :€

• After the whole Scientology series posted by SF Weekly recently, it'd be great to see something similar on these guys.

• Every time my house melts I have to unplug my router and wait 10 seconds.

TotalComments: 57