5 Hilarious Images of Social Media From Free Jehovah's Witness Magazine

Anyone notice the only asshole in the comments here is an active JW ...... I can't imagine why most of us left . It was due to willfully ignorant twats like him.

Just want to thank you sfbridge for help remind me how selfricheous assholes JW are !

Starting with your article title, let US decide if your surly observations are "hilarious"!the most amusing, yet revealing commonality of surly critics of JW's, is that your group never has ANY religion. So outside of criticizing theirs, your own form of religion is almost always non-existent. Your kind are usuallly connected to JW's , by merely being Anti-JW's(which is actually not a religion[I looked it up on Wiki].Rather pathetic, that without JW's, your own existence is then Anti-WHAT? Just for the record JW's are the largest printer organization(thats your business dummy)on earth, and largest building materials Buyer on the planet(build their churches in 238 countries).I have a neighbor who is JW(lot less surly than your writing).Next time you go to a flea market, pick up a copy of Mad magazine, something you can understand because surly is written all through it.And no research is needed to write a piece of trash about people who are so far above you they will still knock on your surly door to make , or try, to become a better human being. But you have no religion in your Anti-JW blood, so likely tolerance is not taught at your church, which would likely prevent these rants you assemble and publish.Who's next Mormons ?

Im so glad that so many of us are aware of the "dubs"and their subversive practices. They are an evil cult and the amount of damage they do is unmeasurable.So when they come to your door,boot them out.Dont even listen! Tell them that we will not accept cults such as this.Their is enough hate and negativity in this world without having it set upon us by our religion.God for you all!!!!

As an ex JW I recall in 1974-77 Witnesses selling their homes, having their children drop out of high school, quitting their jobs because it was time for Armageddon and they needed to warn everyone and convert them over to the "Truth" (which I now refer to as the "False"). This has happened over and over again. By the very nature of the beliefs .. You will know false prophets because they prophecy things that do not happen..The bible states NO ONE KNOWS THE TIME OR THE PLACE BUT THE FATHER. HELLO is their anyone in there? JW's have been instructed that if they were to read their Bibles for 6 months and not the literature they would be lost..hmmm I'll take my cool-aid now.  I am not laughing at the JW's it is sad sad sad. My mom has 7 children and has turned her back on us all In the name of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society....Bravo!!!!!!!  Satan's Puppeteers! Unfortunately their minds have turned to mush from lack of exercise.  It truly is very sad.

 Hilarious?  This is hilarious! 

http://tsadjatko.hubpages.com/...

It gets even more interesting if you get in a conversation with them. Much of what they tell you is nonsensical and contradictory. Example: http://youtu.be/DjP66gQ9RYw

I, too, was shocked when I saw that Watchtower Armageddon cover. But then I saw the Newsweek cover of March 28, 2011: "Tsunamis, Earthquakes, Nuclear Meltdowns, Revolutions, Economies on the Brink. What the #@%! is Next?" and it didn't seem so bad.  

What is interesting is JW's recently had two serve-us meetings discussing the dangers of social networking to coincide with their distribution of this magazine. The truth is the Watchtower organization is trying to induce guilt & fear in their followers to keep them off social networks. They present this as a way of protecting the followers from Satan when in reality it's in hopes to keep their flock ignorant as to what the religion is. They know former JW's are no longer mental slaves to their propaganda and want to keep their followers as far from us as possible. The Jehovah's Witnesses are not aware they are living an Orwellian existence, where they are to believe only what is presented to them by their handlers. Sadly this article and most of these posts will only turn up the paranoia in them as they see this as persecution.

It's actually kind of sad....they can't see that their version of hell is armageddon and their version of heaven is paradise.....no real difference from mainstream religion, with the exception that if you speak up and say it doesn't make any sense you lose your entire network of friends. That's what happened to me when I left at 24 after growing up in it. My parents still talk to me fortunately, and I'm not officially DF'd or DA'd. I know many many people who are inactive OR were inactive, only to go back because the guilt and fear of dying at Armageddon was too much to bear. there is no reasoning with a jehovah's witness - they believe they are the truth and are right - terribly annoying to try to talk to people like that. The good news is, even if they are right (which they aren't), they also teach that the dead are conscious of nothing. So you have nothing to fear if their loving God kills you at Armageddon. Yay!!!

These articles look harmless enough at first glance but the person at the door truly believes that if you don't listen to his/her message you have blown your chance at eternal life and God will destroy you and your children because you did not respond, for example, to the ridiculous picture of the Eskimo surfing the Internet in an igloo. These people are very childlike and accept whatever they are told in these magazines without verifying the sources of the information for themselves. If they disagree with any of it, they must keep it to themselves or risk the possibility of being shunned by their friends and family. They believe that the End of the world will come when their message has been preached throughout the world yet they still knock on doors one by one rather than making  an efficient world wide broadcast via Television or the Internet to get the work done quickly and save as many as possible. They will tell you the reason for this is because Jesus did it this way. However, Jesus didn't use magazines or drive from neighborhood in a car, the message was the main thing not how it was delivered. This is  a printing corporation first and foremost and these well meaning folks have been taken in by it and millions have found out to their heartache that they wasted their lives being involved with it. Many have lost their lives making serious medical decisions based on advice taken from these magazines and from it's writers.

I bet many JWs will be rather indignant at this article, claiming that it is "persecution" coming from Satan.  But before they get too offended, it would do them good to remember all of the harsh criticisms that their organization has directed at other religions.  The second Watchtower President, J.F. Rutherford was well known for his public diatribes against the Christian churches, which he affectionately referred to as a harlot.  Remember JWs: what goes around, comes around.  If you don't want people to be critical of your religion, it might do you good to practic the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".  Good advice from God's son, is it not? 

This is so funny!  Being a former Jehovah's Witness, I was raised with this crap. Thanks for the laugh!

As one who is intimately familiar with the teachings of Jehovah's Witnesses, just send me a request on facebook and I'd be thrilled to share my Watchtower knowledge with you, unless of course the society tells me to stop using facebook.  Then I will have to stop. 

Watch out for the mentally ill apostates on this board.  There's lots of them.  How do I know the apostates are mentally ill?  Because the Watchtower told me!  Anyone who stops believing the teachings of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society is mentally ill. (Watchtower 7/15/2011).  These must be avoided, because, like a highly contagious disease, their mental illness will spread. 

I leave you with an important parenting tip fro the Watchtower, Aug 15, 1963."Do not hold back discipline from the mere boy. In case you beat him with the rod, he will not die. With the rod you yourself should beat him, that you may deliver his very soul from Sheol itself." At times, then, a parent will need to speak to the child by the administration of pain. This pain, God's Word assures us, is not going to kill the child; but it will have beneficial effects, protective benefits for the child, protecting "his very soul from Sheol."

If you actually read the content in the Watchtower and Awake, you would realize how accurate they are

Before you guys judge too harshly upon the literary and educational content of the wonderful Watchtower and its companion, the Awake! magazines, please be advised that reading these fine, authentic, crafted-directly-from-the-spirit-of-God-Hisself publications can be said to be equivalent to a broad (University) education:

And I quote: Watchtower 6/15/1983: "IT HAS been said that by reading the Watchtower and Awake! magazines, along with other publications of Jehovah’s Witnesses, a person will receive, over a period of years, a considerable and broad education. ... Would you like to grow in knowledge, obtaining an education of even much greater value than can be received in any college? You can do so by reading regularly this magazine and its companion, Awake! Not only will these journals help you to keep up with world events but they will also help you to see how these events fulfill the Bible prophecies regarding the time of the end of this entire system of things. Yes, regularly reading these publications not only will improve your knowledge of secular matters but will also provide you with knowledge that will put you in line to live forever in God’s righteous new system."

So there!  Zip it.  I be smarter cuz I readed all dat.

That so many families are broken apart by this org, is a glaring hugedanger sign that this organization is a cult.

Why that isn’t obvious to those within-is another example, flashing lights again- that it is a cult.

That fact that people who no longerwant to subscribe to its bonkers beliefs are shunned by their entire supportnetwork is a disgustingly cruel practice, one that is insultingly presented as“a loving act”. and it is additionally cruel as this organisation has designed theirbrand of truth as being separate and no part of this world, therefore members are encouraged constantly-to have v limited association with the world’s inhabitants, and anything worldly..so when they are dis- fellowshippedthey are utterly cast adrift.

The main ingredients of this high controlgroup are fear and denial, denial of human liberty and the right to life andreal truths. And denial that they the Governing Body are manipulating wealthy charlatans.

If you love people, life, God thenthis organisations behaviour is in direct contradiction. If you are under the influence ofmind control then it all makes perfect terrible sense. And you’ll defend it tothe bitter end.

It’s a cult.

Fellow former JW here.  This is awesome.  I started cracking up the second I saw the igloo, even before reading the commentary.  And the juxtaposition between the Watchtower and Awake! covers is just too perfect.

You are right dude that is pretty hilarious Wow.Total-Privacy dot US

Don't forget you get the friendly public version of the Watchtower, not the 'members only' version that is full of "obey us or die" messages from the governing body.

The two magazines well illustrate the Jehovah's Witness' modus operandi . . .

They use guilt and fear to herd the unwary into their cult (Watchtower), and then guilt and fear to keep them ignorant (Awake)

that was excellent

This article is really clever...raised in the JW religion, I can see they're still up to their paranoia raising antics. When I was growing up, college was verboten. Now it would seem their problems are worse than ever. It wouldn't surprise me if they start banning members from computer use.

Thanks for the article. I was also a peddler for this terrible organization. I always felt like the articles were written by and for people with no friggin idea how the world outside of their compound, Bethel, works. Also, yes, this organization deserves absolutely NO respect. Any organization that breaks up families while claiming to have the highest degree of love possible deserves to be laughed at. Any organization that allows children to die because the parents refuse medical treatment deserves to be mocked and ridiculed. AND, any organization that has policies that create havens for child molesters deserve a whole lot more than disrespect.

Very funny.

I used to be one of those "distributors"....thanks for this piece.

As a former JW, I find these articles hilarious. Facebooking in an igloo?! African women texting with fruit on their head?! Omg, how idiotic!

But it should be known that the JWs are no laughing matter. They break up families and friends with their shunning policies. They raise up their kids in their religious Organization and never let them change their mind without fear of ostracization

Awesome. I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and I cannot stop laughing right now. I haven't seen a Watchtower in a long time, but I'm so happy to see that African women still wear fruit on their heads in this world. Now I have to leave the internet before demons get me.