Walgreens' $6.99 Charlie Brown Christmas Tree Is Everything Charlie Brown Hated
So there you are, standing in line at Walgreens, harried after another long day, annoyed that it was dark when you left the house this morning and dark when you're finally headed back.
His own tree has gone commercial.
There you are, clutching a prescription and some condoms and some off-brand cheese curls, enduring the idiot cheer of the Christmas music, working the math on whether your debit card can cover a trip to the liquor aisle, and pondering whether or not the cashier -- all stubbed-out and sleepy-eyed -- is required to wear that Santa hat.
And then you see it: The $6.99 Charlie Brown Christmas Tree, a heap of plastic crap with a single red bulb at top, the perfect product to purchase to honor Charlie Brown's concern that Christmas has become all about products to purchase.
"It just needs a little love!" the box copy claims, in some detestable fake-Schulz font, as if your belief and devotion could cause this mass-produced consumer good to hearten and swell with all the meaning and beauty of the tree in that TV special, the one that Charlie Brown suffered for daring to love.
Then, worse, at the box's bottom: "That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown."
The words of Linus, stripped of all context so that they claim the true meaning of Christmas is an impulse buy at the drugstore.
You respond the only way you can, running for the exit and shouting:
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