Five Lessons From James Franco's Twilight & The Descendants Review

Categories: Duh

James Franco critiques handsomeness.

In the Paris Review, a magazine about things that matter, our generation's most important creative person has written a compare 'n' contrast of the worlds of The Descendants and Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part One. This is a thing that happened.

Here's some of what he typed, presumably mashing his pretty face at a keyboard.

Franco Writes:

"both [films] deal with characters who are so financially secure that they are almost impossible to identify with."

Lesson: James Franco, incredibly successful actor-student-artist-novelist-critic (read: everyman), doesn't care for the financially secure.

Franco Writes:
"[The Descendants] features the gorgeous Shailene Woodley as his eldest daughter. It features her bikini so prominently that the two strips of material practically have a place on the cast list."
"The actors prance about like pieces of meat, their disturbingly developed bodies on full display; Taylor Lautner's rippling teenage chest is just a little better than the child beauty-pageant stars at the end of Little Miss Sunshine."
Lesson: James Franco does not approve of naked teenage chests. Maybe if Taylor Lautner wore a bikini top?

Franco Writes:
"...considering that they already know the outcome of the love triangle between Bella, Edward, and Jacob, the choice of a team can mean little more than--well, you can imagine."
Lesson: James Franco is coy. With these confusing hints, is he talking about fan fiction? Slash? Sexytimes role-play? Stalkery? What? Expect a documentary about the answer!

Franco Writes:
"Undoubtedly [Twilight: Breaking Dawn: Part One] will dominate every MTV award category, including best kiss, best dude moment, best male shirtless scene, and whatever else the network that produces the Jersey Shore celebrates."
Lesson: It is important for James Franco to pretend he's never paid attention to MTV.

Franco Writes:
"Of course, a few other forbidden territories are broken in as well."
Lesson: James Franco doesn't have an editor.

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Page Mackinley
Page Mackinley

Personally I came very late to Twilight. Three movies crashed coursed a month ago, and I went to see BD with a degree of anticipation. Regrettably however, the ball was dropped on this latest installment. 

With respect, Bill Condon's touch was not right at all. In hindsight we can see Hardwicke harnessed the potent, emotionally mesmerizing tone in the first, and Weitz and Slade built on that brillantly. Granted BD (1) is split in two and so demands pacing, but the authenticity just wasn't there. 

Notwithstanding the gorgeous montage at the end, Bella's transform, and the salty vignette at the end -- BD (part 1) did not deliver the pathos the audience, and the actors deserved. It's worth noting the rich spoils gained though. 

Movie-making isn't just big business, it's epic monster-making business. Funded by financiers who make the Koch brothers look like Greenpeace activists, Pattinson and Stewart's team made canny business decisions to position their 'talents' in a film which -- if it worked -- would advance their charges considerably in the player stakes. 

That no-one could have anticipated the ensuing success would become as exponential as it has, is now the topic of countless talking-heads and avid note-taking by other agents. It's probably a little glib to say it comes down to one or even two factors, but really it's self-evident. 

As we close out 2011, Patterson and Stewart -- deservedly -- emerge as the names to watch and invest in. Undeniably, the presence and depth both brought to their roles elevated an exhausted genre. Add an outstanding supporting cast, innovative soundtracks and scores, and what can only be described as hardcore promotion on multiple levels, a great solid base to start with (due to Meyer's previous book success) to the mix -- and one sees how the TS phenomenon happened.

Breakout: A relatively inexperienced young man with no discernible media training, or seemingly any desire to be the next typical 'star-from-a pod,' stormed America with a charm inoffensive not seen since .... well ... eras long past. 

It was Pattinson's astonishing funniness, openness and originality on the horrifically gruelling press junkets he undertook -- not to mention his iconic turn in Twilight et al --- that enabled him to capitalize on the expert way his team have handled his rise. Likewise Stewart's edgy fragility, behind-the-scenes guidance, and handling of what must at times have been a 'tricky' line to walk -- notes her as wise (and kind) beyond her years. 

Movie-goers and the movie industry in general now has every reason to be very interested in how these two actors develop in years to come. If blinkered critics could put the tall poppy scythes down long enough to realize the TS saga does not define Pattinson or Stewart; they would see what the insightful can: 

Even before 2012 dawns, already the faces at the top of the tree have been reshuffled. Undoubtedly audiences will look forward to more from the genuinely fresh, possibly profound new talents of Stewart and Pattinson. Perhaps this, then,  the real, unforseen gift of Meyer's wet dream. 


Sixth Lesson: Franco's right when he states there are problems with Breaking Dawn. What he's wrong about is why. .


For anyone who is also interested in Part 2 I found this for you all :)

breakingdawnpart2 . blogspot . com


I cant wait until Breaking Dawn Part 2 :)


Respect to you James, respect goes to you.

Elizabeth Sullivan
Elizabeth Sullivan

Lesson: James Franco is not a fan of the mindless drivel that is so prevalent in the media these days.  A big reason why I respect him so much.

Alan Scherstuhl
Alan Scherstuhl

How clever of him, then, to star in so much of it. 

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