Outlandish Hyperbole Expected to Bring Steve Jobs Back to Life

Jobs' hand visible in creation of known universe?

​The death of Steve Jobs has unleashed a flood of journalistic hyperbole in the hope that it would revive the great man. As accomplished as Jobs inarguably was, the headlines have -- so far -- stopped just short of endowing him with Caesar-like divinity. But headline-writers may have to go a step further, since Jobs has not yet shown any sign of returning to this mortal coil -- despite Slate's brave bid: "The Man Who Invented Our World." We have collected a sampling of additional attempts here:

BREAKING: Steve Jobs, the Edison of our time, dies after public battle with cancer.

In memoriam: Steve Jobs, architect of the 21st century.

In last days, Jobs issued statement prohibiting the word "genius" in memorial press.

Genius Jobs geniused the Genius Bar, other ingenious creations.

Jobs leaves behind mouth-watering recipe for "World's Best Brownies."

Jobs' DNA a mystery; Apple CEO may have self-generated within distant star.

Obama booed at rally over confusion between "jobs" and "Jobs."

In his will, Jobs reveals he was fifth Beatle.

Private papers suggest Jobs had a hand in developing sunlight.

Jobs' hand-picked biographer, Superman, to release book on one-year anniversary of Jobs' passing.

Found in Steve Jobs' files: evidence he fathered human race in a primitive laboratory near Stonehenge.

BREAKING: Mass extinctions expected; Earth's orbit altered after Jobs' death.

BREAKING: Jesus names Jobs "Man of the Millennium."

BREAKING: Jobs followed by suicide cult seeking "afterPod."