How to Know When It's OK to Use Groupon During a Date
What's the word on using Groupon deals during dates? Will I look like a cheap asshole if I use one?
Did you know Groupon has its own dating site, Grouspawn? Therein lies perhaps the most enticing deal of all: if you happen to use a Groupon on your first date, then document it meticulously, then conceive a child, you can apply to get that child's college tuition paid for by Groupon. All of this is to say that no, using an online coupon on a date doesn't automatically make you a weirdo or cheapskate. Using Groupon to spawn a child in order to get a $60,000 trust fund, however, is just practical fiscal advice in today's struggling economy.
Online coupons like Groupon and LivingSocial have been wholeheartedly embraced by the Internet generation, and the trend will presumably continue to grow (well, except for Facebook Deals, which recently met its demise). Just a few days ago, Groupon invaded academia by offering decreased tuition on a grad-level introduction-to-teaching course at National Louis University, according to The Chicago Tribune.
When it comes to your love life, however, it would probably behoove you not to whip out a coupon on the first date, especially if it's for something small or boring. Such a gesture may appear gauche, uncouth, or give off the impression that your date is not worth her or his weight in Pinkberry, and then you will never get the hot, over-the-jeans action that frozen yogurt consumption inspires in certain young ladies. If the date is creative, like trapeze flying or a trip to Jackson Arms shooting range, then you have more leeway to use an online coupon because of the adventure aspect. You're broadening your date's horizons! And this Glock isn't gonna pay for itself.
If you're uncertain about whether your date might be offended by your frugality, the best option is to bring it up beforehand. I know, communication, zzzzzzzzzzz. Isn't this why social media was invented, so we'd no longer have to talk to each other with our gross mouth-holes? Judging by the overt or implied level of disgust at your offer, you can gauge whether or not your date is really worthy of that 2-for-1 lap dance deal at Market Street Cinema.
Let us not forget that the vast majority of your date-worthiness depends not on the $18 you saved at Osha Thai, but on your sparkling wit, passionate conversation, and how many push-ups you can do while we sit on your back and mock you.
If all that fails, you can also just give me a call. The only Groupon deals I receive are for Botox. Hurry though, for soon I will no longer have the facial dexterity needed to express gratitude.
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