I Can't "Hate" Facebook, But I Sure Don't "Like" It


There's lots I love about Facebook. I love that I can stalk people without coming off as a creeper, keep in touch with my far-flung friends and relatives, and flirt with people shamelessly (cowardly?) from behind a laptop. But despite Facebook's innovations, there are still quite a few things it does that truly baffle me, so I'll address these very pressing concerns in lieu of, you know, actually helping someone. I know that this is an advice column, and that my rants won't save humanity, unlike this timely and evocative post, for instance, but there are a few issues where I feel I cannot remain silent. To remain silent, in fact, is tantamount to giving up. And I refuse to give up, because even though "Facebook" is not a terribly clever name for a social networking site, it is also not Facepalm! Yet.

Weird or Mildly Offensive Ads​


I know I'm approaching 30, Facebook. I know that "time is ticking!" and that I call people "dicks" a lot, but I am not asking for them to impregnate me. You'd think the goldmine of information you're collecting about all of us would at least yield some relevant ads, but no, you see only "girl -- 28" and you send me ads for shoes, diet pills, and getting knocked up.  

It's especially confusing when this ad comes right after what is clearly meant to be a precursor to a lesbian orgy:

​While we're on the subject of ads, please explain this:
​I mean, sure, we all got sick of AOL sending us those CDs in the mail in, like, 1998, but to equate it with this poor woman's suffering seems, well, weird. Even weirder than you asking me to "like" it.

Inappropriate Friend Suggestions

No, I don't want to "be friends" with my exes. That's why I defriended them. I also don't have any special interest in being friends with my exes' exes, unless you are trying to hatch some sort of devious Shakespearean vengeance plot, in which case, let's talk privately.

Letting Me Know About Events My Friends Are Going to Where I Am Not Invited

What's that you say? My crush who lives across the country is attending a breast cancer walk? Fantastic! Of course I want to go. Thank you for reminding me that that's impossible. And in the case of those events where a bunch of my local friends are going to something and I'm not invited? That makes me feel terrific, too. Good thing I am eating croutons alone for dinner that I can also use to sop up my tears.

Really Obvious Spammy Apps

You don't have a great process for approving apps, as I've talked about before, which is why iterations of the same dumb spam keep popping up again and again. I fell for one recently -- the "see how ugly you'll be in 50 years" one. I'm blaming you this time. Please regulate your shit better.

Love, Anna

P.S. You are also the reason this happened, which I admit is both horrible and kind of amusing, so it's a draw this time.

P.P.S. Have I mentioned the weird ads?


Social-media mistress Anna Pulley likes to give advice about how to play well with others on the internets. If you have a question about etiquette involving technology, shoot her a question at AskAnnaSF@gmail.com. Follow us on Twitter: @annapulley and @ExhibitionistSF or Facebook

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Aspasia Bonasera
Aspasia Bonasera

"Letting Me Know About Events my Friends Are Going to Where I Am not Invited"

This. The first time I noticed that, I was like, zuh? It's so terribly invasive of another person's privacy. And heaven forbid an event is scheduled within a group of friends and someone was purposely not invited. Way to narrow down the Friend List, FB.

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