Teen Water Ballet Troupe: Synchronized to the White Stripes

Time to reveal a San Francisco secret: Teen synchronized swimming goes on in the Excelsior.

Please welcome the San Francisco Merionettes, who have been teen synchronized swimming since 1956 and are thrilling even on YouTube, so just imagine what they'll do to your dopamine levels live at their once-per-year exhibition. It's Sunday, May 15, at 5 p.m. at the Balboa Pool. Donations accepted.

Michele Kraus

You may appreciate them because they are fierce fierce in the sense that they swim to "Seven Nation Army," you may appreciate them as intense young athletes, you may appreciate them because you are an Esther Williams person, or you may appreciate them because where else can you see synchronized swimming around here? It's adorable when they mess up, it's mind-blowing when they nail it, and the whole thing makes Glee look like ... not enough. Small. Pale. Tired. Not gay-appreciable enough, not teen enough, not wholesome enough, not American enough, not innocently insane enough.

SuperGirl outfits! Gelatin in the hair! Waterproof makeup! You will never be so strong! There's a boy in there!